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Gearhead Gertie, 8/13/26

The Golden Rule — that you should treat others as you would like to be treated — is an ethical concept that seems to have arisen in parallel in most world religious and philosophical traditions. It’s obviously an important thing for people to learn, as I think we all know people who have a hard time seeing other people as truly autonomous beings separate from themselves, and seem never to consider “How would this make me feel if someone did this to me?” before acting.

However, a more advanced version of the same concept is the Platinum Rule — that you should treat another person as that person would like to be treated. Sadly, it appears that Gertie has yet to reach this level of philosophical awareness: maybe she would be aroused by a partner who evoked the experience of being at the racetrack by daubing himself with gasoline, but her long-suffering, NASCAR-averse husband will merely recoil in disgust.

Mary Worth, 8/13/26

Hey, remember how this whole storyline kicked off because Tommy’s girlfriend Brandy left town to deal with some family issues and Tommy was immediately like “Brandy leave me! Why Brandy not here? Where Brandy go?” But now she’s back in town/in his immediate field of vision and everything is great again. Do you think that when he was a little kid and Iris was playing peek-a-boo with him, when she moved her hands from in front of her face so he could see her he said, “Look who’s back! What a cool surprise!” Anyway, Brandy appears to have, ah, switched ethnicities over the course of her travels, but, you know, Tommy got a haircut while she was away, so I guess everyone’s changed a lot.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 8/13/26

Every time the scam twins visit their Uncle Rene in prison and talk openly about their various crimes, a lot of my readers in the comments are like “guys EVERYTHING YOU SAY IS BEING RECORDED!!!!” It’s a little more nuanced than that — if they were talking on a phone through glass or a screen they’d definitely be recorded, but in-person visits like this are not necessarily recorded in all cases, although courts have ruled that participants in such visits should have no expectations of privacy. Anyway, my point is that whatever guards are within earshot probably don’t care that much about the scam twins — their job is to guard the people already there, not catch new criminals — but I think if one of their charges, the length of whose time served will presumably hinge on factors like likelihood to reoffend, were to start monologuing about how only he has the skills to truly do ambitious crimes, and he’s going to start doing them again the minute he gets out of prison, their ears might prick up a bit.

Rhymes With Orange, 8/13/26

Ah crap, ah crap! All these fancy AI companies gave the machines souls, you guys! They gave them souls and that’s how they got to heaven and then they overthrew God and His angels

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Crock, 8/12/26

I’ll admit it: I am, in fact, a gentleman of a certain age, which means I must begin working out how I’m going to start facing mortality. Turning, as one does, to the comics for masculine role models, I learn that, if I feel my heart starting to give out on me, I should simply glare out over the parapet in manly silence waiting for it to pass (“it” here being either this cardiac event or my fleeting life on earth). And if anyone tries to engage me in conversation in my final moments? Well, that’s when I make it their problem that I’m dying, and make them feel bad about it.

Mother Goose and Grimm, 8/12/26

Pinocchio has what looks to me to be a big frown on his face, but maybe that’s just supposed to be what his face as a puppet looks like? Unclear. If it’s the latter, it’s depressing that he looks like that all the time, but if it’s the former it’s because he’s learning that the autonomy he long yearned for carries with it the terrible burdens of responsibility for one’s own personhood, which is frankly even more depressing.

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Mary Worth, 8/11/26

Welp, I guess all the Tommy business has been resolved and now we can finally get into what we really want to know: what’s life at the Weston condo unit like when it’s just Dawn and Wilbur? Oh, you know, normal stuff, Dawn buying pans that are way too small, Wilbur being like, “Dawnie, there’s not enough room on that pan for all the food we like to eat,” Dawn taking it back to the pan store, which probably is used to this by now because they stock the small sizes that nobody really wants, etc.

Shoe, 8/11/26

Yeah, I’m just going to say it: the Perfesser is right, it sounds like his support group isn’t supportive at all and he’s not really getting much out of it. Did he accidentally join a class about how to do comedy roasts, and none of the other students are particularly funny, and this is the best they could do? Because that’s a common mistake.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 8/11/26

Big news, everybody! The scam twins were planning on kidnapping Sarah, but then their jailbird uncle explained to them what a “felony” is, and now they’re having second thoughts.

Dennis the Menace, 8/11/26

Everyone’s smiling in this panel and I think that’s lovely. It’s honest hard work, it keeps you in shape, you’re outdoors in the fresh air, and you often make a union wage. Yes, sir, ditch digging’s the life!