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Apartment 3-G, 3/24/15

It’s true, Lu Ann has been single for a long time! I literally can’t remember the last Lu Ann-focused romantic subplot. She hasn’t had an in-strip boyfriend since, um, Paul the piano mover, who proposed to her on the tenth anniversary of 9/11, I think? (She eventually broke up with him. It turned out burning jet fuel couldn’t melt … her heart.) Anyway, I’m all for not making people feel bad or defective just because they’re single — many people prefer it! — but declaring loudly “I’m my own person!” is a good way for people to treat you like you’re twelve, probably. Not that Martin needs much incentive to condescend! “Aww, I’m glad you’re keeping busy with your little projects! I’ll think of your aching loneliness every time I spread your sadness-jam on toast.”

Pluggers, 3/24/15

I have a hearing aid and my audiologist told me that people with partners are much more likely to get them, for precisely this reason! Not pluggers, though. Pluggers just grouchily tell their spouses that “there’s nothing wrong with me” and “maybe you should stop mumbling so much” until eventually they just go out and sit in the truck and talk to the dog and cry and cry and cry.