The CC FAQ

[True Fable]

This FAQ is to save anyone from asking Why We Do What We Do on the Big Thread. Beyond the obvious, "because we can", 'Mudgeons do have a history of certain phrases and actions and newcomers may want to look this over and get in the groove with us.

Remember, we are a pretty laid-back group of people until something in a comic pushes our buttons and we just have to rant (guilty as charged!) But we must never rant against another poster; that is Bad Form and frowned upon heavily here.

On to explanations, starting with the comics themselves, and some shortcuts people tend to take.

(DT)GT stands for (Death To) Gil Thorp.
The strip characrters are all drawn so weird and stiff. They are generally regarded as alien visitors who sport immobile face masks, sort of like Victoria Principle and David Duchovney only not nearly as attractive.


Cathy (Must Die)
Yes, Cathy is neurotic, fat, lazy, stupid, selfish, and whiny, and everyone in Cathyland is prone to sticking their arms straight up into the air to make a point (while pointing to the sky, isn’t that clever.) Cathy is like mold, she never truly goes away.

MW Mary Worth. In a 2006 Mary Worth classic storyline, her ardent but unwelcome suitor Aldo Kelrast looked like Captain Kangaroo. This uncanny resemblance was noted so often, it become a meme unto itself. He spoke the most stilted phrases ever put on paper and died drunk in a car crash. There are timeless vids on YouTube regarding it, and are well worth your time.

Professor Ian Cameron is called Chinbeard, and his young wife Toby is called Toeby for her propensity to sport cameltoe pants at every opportunity.

Mary Worth is a time lord, capable of making time speed up, slow down or stand still. When Mary points, people listen.

JP The Judge is rarely seen and retired now, but his single swinging son Randy (who is rumored gay) is the judge now. He ran for judgeship against a man named Reggie Black, whose wife uttered the memorable line “I’ll deny you, Missy!” in a drunken screech in front of news crews.
Most of the action usually centers on Abbey Spencer, rich horsewoman, married to Sam Driver, Randy Parker’s law partner who is also inexplicably a Chick Magnet. Nearly every woman (always a good looking one) introduced in the strip falls for Sam and throws herself at him. Sam doesn't even pay that much attention to his own wife. Sam and Abbey adopted Neddy and Sophie, two girls who stand to inherit fortunes from other sources. Neddy is not quite legal age yet and Sophie is supposedly very smart. We’ll see.

RMMD Rex has managed to make a name for himself not as a doctor, but as a closet homosexual. His weeks-long “golf game” with Dr. Troy last year was rife with innuendo. However, his wife June Gale is the one to watch, since she has the most stunning rack since Blondie. She has a bad temper and threatened to make Niki the hurricane survivor/thief/bad boy with a heart of gold, clean her garage. Their dog Abbey is smarter than any of them. Trust me, Abbey the Wonderdog could do surgery if only she had opposable thumbs. Let me cite this prime example of Rex's peccadillo: http://joshreads.com/?p=529

My Gretchen - from Dick Tracy, it is a phrase that a guest star repeated DAY AFTER DAY AFTER DAY, supposedly to build suspense and curiosity, but instead built mockery and derision. Now is the anthem for Bee Grinding.

Pluggers are…. Oh, who knows, the definition of a Plugger is so wide and all-inclusive that Queen Elizabeth II could be a Plugger, although she would probably not be amused. Pluggers are represented by hybrid man beasts like the Fat Labrador Guy with the Trucker’s Hat, The Knobby Headed Chicken Woman with the Unexplainable Breasts, the Morbidly Obese Bear, The Fat Rhino or the Supposedly Sexy Afghan Hound Woman. Abandon all hope of sophistication, ye who recognize yourself in what they do, not what they are.

FC The Family Circus uses cutesy kid malapropisms, whiny tattletales and the most self-hating comic artist ever to inherit a strip, to represent the wonders (?) of parenthood. Tends to preach what it doesn’t practice. Also likes to use dashed lines to show where the kids wander, and use their back yard as a gruesome pet cemetery. And be sure to watch for fear, innuendo, and topics that beg the question Why doth the Jeffy Rage?

DtM Dennis is no longer the menace he was 50 years ago, when his parents did not hesitate a minute to wail on his ass for real menacing. He was a freakin’ monster back in the day. Cut to modern day: he is a wimp who goes all Gumby when his doting grampa shows up, irritates but doesn’t actively do anything to Margaret like give her a worm and jelly sandwich like he might once have; and he is downright lame around his former nemesis, Mr. Wilson. Dennis fails at life who hangs around Mr. Wilson a suspiciously long time.

A3G at Apartment 3-G, Luann is dumber than dirt, a painter of uninspiring watercolor flowers and other pedantic still life. Tommie is a boring nurse who falls for guys who don’t care for her, and then lets her storyline fall to the wayside for weeks at a time. And Margo, Queen of Head-Bobbling, acidic observations and just plain cruelty and horniness, has to her credit a name that is a fitting substitute in everyday conversation for the word “Fuck”. As in, “What the [margo!] is going on with this storyline?”

FOOB is a word April Patterson’s group made up combining “fool” and “boob”. It’s so close to FBOFW we just go with that sometimes when talking about the Fooberverse, i.e., all things in Lynn Johnston’s little fantasy world. Even though it's gone into some pretty lame reruns with "new runs" added in, it's still involving the same old characters we know and loathe. Hopefully we won't have to see the improbable, magic gurl storylines http://www.fborfw.com/strip_fix/archives/002540.php as before, but this is Patterworld after all, and as long as the Pattersons are seen as the only kind, generous, tolerant people in town if not to each other, then that's what we'll get.

“Saturn!” and “Boxcar!” are both substitute words on the order of “Margo!” They were originally uttered by Grampa Jim in FBoFW after his stroke. He didn’t say Saturn, he just had the symbol in his word balloons, but Boxcar was a word he actually did speak. Mudgeons use them for whatever they please but in general, Boxcar! means Shit! And Saturn! means Asshole! After all, he was listening to his grandson Michael talk on and on about that ridiculous book deal of his, at the time.
There's a lot more concerning FBOFW, but that will go in another post on this thread.


FW Funky Winkerbean used to be a lighthearted, funny and oddball look at high school life. Somewhere it took a bleak turn and now it is the epitome of gloom, despair, bitter disappointment, depression and ironic timing. And those are the positive qualities. If there is a downside to life, Tom Batuik will exploit it. Where there is a negative, Batiuk will underline it. Where there is a way to tragically smirk, he will highlight it with a glossy but dreary gray marker. Funky Buzzkill is now about the sad love triangle between a one-armed band director, her low-esteemed comic bookstore owner husband
and her believed-to-be-dead-but-only-fell-into-a-plothole former husband/soldier. Before that, it was Cancer, cancer, cancer. Lisa had cancer and its cancer returned and even though cancer the hospital messed up and even admitted cancer it, she still continued to cancer use it cancer cancer without a second opinion cancer and there was nothing more cathartic (read: sweeter) cancer in the world than for cancer Lisa to tell people she saw that she had cancer and how it’s ruined her cancer life and made regular predictions of her own demise along with pity-filled sighs cancer along the way. In other news, cancer the son Lisa gave up for cancer adoption years ago searched for cancer his birth mother, and predictionably cancer Tom Batiuk reunited cancer mother and son in a lovely cancer drawn-out cancer and artlessly pandering sequence that cancer wrung out cancer every drop of cancer pathos it could cancer possible squeeze.
Lisa has cancer.

Now, let's move on to some comment references.

Aldomania swept the Comics world when Aldo Kelrast spent an entire storyline chasing after the unwilling Mary, madly in love with her. Yeah, I don't get it either, but he was wild about her until he met his untimely end in the company of a bottle of Black Label and the bottom of a steep cliff. Kelrast is an anagram for stalker. Bet you didn't know that, but Mary Worth fans will tell you so in a heartbeat.

Sunday Yellow is the "canary yellow as the new color of DRAMA" in serial strips. Also pertains to the half-yellow, half-blue light to indicate drama, although it looks more like a collegiate football fanatic in the stands on game day. It still equates to drama in their mind at least. "if you’re normally colored a standard-issue honky flesh tone, you’re at risk for acute single-panel liver dysfunction whenever you make a Sunday appearance." - courtesty Trilobite

Gap-Toothed Starey "Hoo" Guy - Some Canadian freakazoid who reacted with enthusiasm at the news at April puts out. Rose to stardom when Josh featured him in a post.
"But I did want to feature this strip because it contains my new hero. I speak, of course, of the dude at the far right in panel two, the one with the gap in his teeth and the eyes the size of dinner plates who’s saying “Hoooo!” I shall call him “Gap-Toothed Starey ‘Hoooo!’ Guy.” It’s clear that he needs to be brought front and center in this feature right away, and possibly given his own spinoff strip. What makes Gap-Toothed Starey “Hoooo!” Guy tick? What’s his home life like? What, other than risque gossip with his buds, makes him say “Hoooo!”? Will he be going to university? Now I can’t wait until next month’s letters are up on the Foob site on May 1; I’m really looking forward to his missive, which will be entitled “Hoooo!” courtesy Josh F. http://joshreads.com/?p=1018#comments case in point.

The Barky Stick: As seen in Death To (GT)-The Barky Stick is a stick that has enough barkitude that it can open a headwound with five or six whacks. courtesy Red Greenback

Rolly Church of Crete! was originally the source of a Pluggers panel, later used as an exclamation by curmudgeons who were charmed by the way the phrase tripped off the tongue. [url]http://joshreads.com/?p=960#comments[/url
example: "Rolly Church of Crete, is FW depressing! Rolly Church of Crete, can we get a new post around here, Josh!!?? Yeah, I like it." courtesy kilgore trout

But, after examining the website of the Rolly Church of Crete, Curmudgeons backed away slowly lest they disturb the tinfoil hat perched precariously on Rolly Church of Crete's little head.



COTW: Comment of the Week, bestowed by Josh for the post that tickled his fancy the most. He also includes runners-up for the honor. There is an unofficial but cybernetically true tradition that the winner wear a crown or tiara of choice along with a sash, and ride in the back of an open convertible at their ticker-tape parade while bestowing his/her less fortunate curmudgeons with a brilliant smile and the traditional royal wave. Really, a very big honor.

All About Squid - First they were repeatedly mentioned in They'll Do It Every Time, so much so that one Curmudgeon named herself Squid Countess and is currently, as you might guess, counting the number of times the term "squid" is mentioned in TDIET and elsewhere. On http://joshreads.com/?p=1033%20this%20particular%20thread she hit the jackpot, the motherlode of squid chat.

Cassandra Cat: An occasional Guest Star in Bob Weber Jr.'s Slylock Fox, Cassandra has won the affection of every male Mudgeon, and the female ones as well. She even has http://joshreads.com/?p=1222 her own shirt you can get for your very own, designed by Bob Weber Jr. HIMSELF! How's that for cool! Plus, there is a very well-done ongoing fan fic penned by Mudgeon Jamus the Bartender, "The Cat and the Curmudgeon" for those who just can't get enough.

Clambake - One of Gil Thorp's most endearing guest stars, Clambake was supposedly some wise Magic Negro who gave great baseball tips to Gil's players, improving their game and whatnot, until they found out http://joshreads.com/?p=1131 he'd never played in the Negro Leagues like he claimed he did. Still, the old fraud won our hearts, and that was enough for us.

Gail Martin: The Rock N' Roll Carole King! http://joshreads.com/?p=1153 Coach Kaz took his (beard)girlfriend out, and they saw this singing sensation at a club, got into a fistfight where Kaz, in a moment of Glorious Win, punched the guy in the face clear up to his elbow! http://joshreads.com/?p=1162 Much was made of Gail in the comments (see #1153, 1154, etc) where her entire career was built up on the say-so of creative Mudgeonry. Good times.

Fists of Fury and/or Justice: Mark Trail's penchant for duking it out when the bad guys push him too far. http://joshreads.com/?p=1039 And mind you, it is 99.9% of the time, the bad guys will have a beard, mustache or both. Also known as the Right Fist o' Justice.


Cleaning the garage - a euphemism for sex referring to Rex Morgan. Face it, most of the time sex is only done by euphemism, since Rex and June only seem to get it on once every 10 years our time. So it's like, FOREVER in their time. Phrase comes from when June asked Nikki to 'clean her garage'. wink, wink, say no more. It was all in our imagination, of course, but just imagine what a hot time would have been had if Woody Wilson had written it like that! yow!


"I'm no geologist, but..." A curmudgeon made this preface in a post, but it turned out that the subject had absolutely nothing to do with geology. Now when anyone decides to weigh in on a subject with an opinion, this is the preface of choice.

State College Boat Wrestling Squad (also chemistry!) - in Judge Parker, when a college guy from Boat College or University, whatever, said he had a wrestling scholarship, except he said he had a boat wrestling scholarship, leading many mudgeons to wonder just how thrilling is it to watch a guy wrestle a boat, and how do you score it? He also majored/minored in chemistry. Yeah, wrestling and chemistry. Happens all the time. Occasionally legal.

Hat Man : http://joshreads.com/?p=691This explains it. Margo's sure-fire catch-a-man ploy.

Qlunq : Well, just about any sound effect in Dick Tracy is bizarre, but being as how this was a briefcase FULL of money hitting Dick in the head, it was especially interesting. Qwink was another sound bite that bit back.

Dancin' Gary Dent : A brief guest spot by a grouchy tenant in Charterstone was made memorable by his gestures and dramatic poses, which was captured http://www.jeffness.net/dancingdent/> here by Jeff Hebert.

Kwanzaa Golden Otter : In Curtis's annual Kwanzaa lesson, we learned for the first time that telepathic otters exist and that they are Comic Comment Gold.

I'm a docent. Considered a http://joshreads.com/?p=879 great pick up line by New York librarians. Still doesn't work, but it got rave all-around snarking by Curmudgeons.

Weed's Food Trough : In planning a party to celebrate Mike Patterson's gettng a book contract - evidently because he thought that was the best the piece of drivel was going to get, a contract offer - Weed decided to pull out all the stops by making it a classy B.Y.O.B. affair, complete with a "food trough" after they "score some seats". Yeah, whatever.

Neddy's new style: http://joshreads.com/?p=833 God bless Eduardo Barreto.

Foobacalypse: When Lizzie married Anthony, in a typically mawkish, over-the-top below-the-belt attempt to tear at our heartstrings with adamatium claws.

More zippers, mule!: Classic line courtesy Margo McGee of Apartment 3 G, when she was trapped into working in a sweatshop. She was ordered to get more zippers and the phrase was just so... stilted!... it was deemed worthy to enshrine on tee-shirts and mugs. Many are called, but few are chosen. This was a chosen one.

Grinding bees: When a comic tries too hard to be funny or relevant or introspective, churns for a while and just winds up as a catastrophic failure on all fronts.
It started as Mark Trail thing re:the birds at the airport saga, then segued into a story about bees flying into engines at a British airport, and somehow wound up as the above.

Weasel Broth: another Mary Worth's dish besides her disgusting gray casserole.

Things to express surprise, delight, or astonishment in general:
Rolly Church of Crete!
Margo! Boxcar! Saturn! (effective as a set or separately)
Good Wing Sauce!


Dean Booth: Brilliant creator of comics parody strips. Yes, Dean gets his own mention here because his body of work is just so fuckin' awesome.

bats :[ : Another brilliant creator of parody, most known for her Rex Morgan spoofs, particularly those featuring a Rex Morgan day player doctor named Andy, or as we know him, "Count Morgu", as partially seen on the door of the county morgue. Funny, funny stuff.

Roadside: Just one of many euphemisms Lynn Johnston created to give her teen characters a "hip" way to talk that doesn't make them dated. Going roadside means screwing around, as in "the girl is a slut, she's gone roadside." Yeah, it's a wtf kind of thing, probably indicates that she's willing to park alongside a lonely dirt road so the two can have sex in the backseat. Also: she's a "gig". You've booked her roadside action for the rest of the night. And, "She's hands-on!" Self-explanatory.
One other thing: Lynn is convinced that every teen says an' instead of "and". God knows why, this is LJ we're talking about, not someone who has a clue.

Molly the Bear: the guest star of a Mark Trail storyline, she was someone's pet that was stolen out of Mark's jeep, and was almost killed by poachers. She was so tame (how tame was she?) that she didn't understand the hostility toward her. Thus is born a classic line, destined for a tee shirt or coffee mug.

Guest Star: As one might imagine, the term for a character who a serial star is (meddling with) helping in the current storyline.

Day Player: Not to be confused with Guest Star, this is the term used for a random figure in the background or foreground of a comic. Often sighted in Mary Worth and other serials, and in Archie.

Bay Street Motel represents something truly odious. Example: “I think Bryanna looks a lot less “Bay Streety” now that she’s shaved her head” courtesy Red Greenback

Boitano’d “I was so royally ‘Boitano’d’ last night, I won’t be able to sit for a week!” courtesy Red Greenback

Salmon Squares : little pink rectangles served up by Mary Worth. They go well with her Green-Grey Casserole and the Weasel Broth.

Galactic Emperor Chennux: Always posts in all caps, GEC observes CC from a galaxy near and far and is not above using his magmacannon to do a little devastating now and then to us Earthers who post here. http://joshreads.com/?p=1168 He even lurks around unsuspecting Mudgeons.


Shawna-Marie Wedding: Several 'Mudgeons went on a mind-travel online to Milborough to watch the FBOFW marriage of Liz's friend in 2007, because Lynn Johnston made such a big damn deal about it. Little did we know it would result in Anthony and Liz making out in the moonlight. We didn't magmacannon ENOUGH. Still, people paired up with each other for the 'trip' there, except for The Spectacular Spider-Brick who mistakenly hopped on the wrong freight train. Hey, he's a brick. Be glad he can hop at all.

Buxley Wednesday: Miss Buxley nearly always shows up in Beetle Bailey each and every Wednesday. In fact, there is only one known time when she didn't. Of course it's as lame as the other six days of the week. It's Beetle Bailey.

Song Parodies: Many a comic strip has gotten the business by the best, in the form of song parodies that range from classic oldies to Olde English rhymes. We believe in recycling when a storyline comes up that begs for it. Many a song has been about meddling in honor (?) of Mary Worth, for instance.
for example, this one by Uncle Lumpy was based on a Phantom storyline that involved lizard-like Crocco men:

Hey there, Stripey-butt,
Got a pony, got a mutt,
Caught steppin’ out in our right-of-way –
You invade our lagoon –
You big buffoon!
Soon our platoon will be makin’ you pay!
Singin’ WE WILL WE WILL CROC YOU!
WE WILL WE WILL CROC YOU!
You, too, Mister Mozz,
Tiny jungle Santa Claus,
Jaws gonna cause your demise this day –
Chat us up in your mind,
And you will find
We will dine on your spine in a Crocco cafe!
Singin’ WE WILL WE WILL CROC YOU!
WE WILL WE WILL CROC YOU!
Abalone pirates
Got up in some dire straits
Stealin’ from the Crocco shellin’ ground!
Better take a deep breath
‘Cause here comes Death
As a creep from the deep will be draggin’ you down!
Singin’ WE WILL WE WILL CROC YOU!
WE WILL WE WILL CROC YOU!

yeah, that's what I'm talkin' 'bout!


Comic Sans: Josh's nemesis, the Comic Sans font which many 'Mudgeons believe should be outlawed.

Mallard Fillmore: In all seriousness, do not mention this comic strip on The Big Thread or Josh will ban you. He has and he will. I'm not kidding, he does not want the political argument shit that invariably comes with its mention, so just don't do it. It's not worth it.

Death Cat: http://joshreads.com/?p=1219 Started in Funky Winkerbean and immortalized by Dean Booth, the Death Cat originally showed up as a hallucination by Les Moore whenever he thought of Lisa, which was often. Another cat showed up later in Crankshaft at a nursing home to guide a day player character to the other side. Since then Death Cat and Masky McDeath have been fodder for Dean, to our delight and enjoyment.

Embroidery: This is a technique used when a subject goes off-topic and blossoms as a thread progresses. Sometimes it stems from something in Josh's post, other times it is from some comment a 'Mudgeon makes and the rest of us run with it. Many, many threads have been embroidered with hilarious results.

Dingo'd : the state of being exposed to a piece of NSFW linkage, or simply reading one of his posts. To paraphrase an exchange:

Poster: You should have warned us your comment was NSFW!
Dingo: You were warned. It had my name on it, didn't it?

'nuff said.

Batiuked : to note when a situation matches the definition of Mr. Coffee Nerves' impression of Funky Winkerbean and/or Crankshaft: "… darker than Sylvia Plath listening to Joy Division at the bottom of a mineshaft during a new moon."

Cardinal - Faithful longtime followers of Pope Josh Fruhlinger who are also known as Cardinals and are most likely to have been around to witness most of the references in this FAQ. Those who weren't, can still get up to speed and a blue cap will magically appear on their heads. Or so it's said.

[gnome de blog]

Cardinal - Faithful longtime followers of Pope Josh Fruhlinger who are also known as Cardinals and are most likely to have been around to witness most of the references in this FAQ. Those who weren't, can still get up to speed and a red cap will magically appear on their heads. Or so it's said.

In the wake of the Revolution memorialized in the Historic 1,366-Post Thread when Pope Josh took an unannounced and unsanctioned vacation and left us bereft of leadership, Queen Islamorada Girl took up the dented Sword o' Justice to lead a rag-tag band of Curmudgeons out of anarchy. The College of Comix Curmudgeons was founded to guard against future chaos. Cardinals of the College wear the color of the Queen I-Girl's famous electric blue bustier, which, among things, confers invulnerability to magmacannons.

[True Fable]

Noted and corrected!

I do wear a Mighty Damn Red Chausuble because electric blue makes me look as pasty as a Patterson, and I ain't havin' any of that. The ninja goats would turn on me.

[gnome de blog]

I do wear a Mighty Damn Red Chausuble because electric blue makes me look as pasty as a Patterson, and I ain't havin' any of that. The ninja goats would turn on me.

Well and good. The only canonical vestment is Queen I-Girl's fabled electric-blue bustier.

I myself have recently adopted the Charterstone tartan kilt - electric blue, salmon, and burnt siena. Salmon squares are better worn than eaten.

[True Fable]

I myself have recently adopted the Charterstone tartan kilt - electric blue, salmon, and burnt siena. Salmon squares are better worn than eaten.

I imagine all Curmudgeonly vestments could be specifically tailored, and I must say if anyone can wear a tartan kilt with dignity, it's you.

Salmon squares make excellent roofing shingles, at least the ones served at Charterstone do.

[True Fable]

Ninja goats - I Haz 'Em. This is a personal reference for me. Back in the waning days of first-run FOOB (look it up if you can't recall!) I wrote many a rant about my displeasure of the strip. It was suggested that perhaps Lynn Johnston would come hunting for my scalp, so I declared that I had specially trained ninja capable goats that would protect me specifically from such a thing. In time, my ninja goats have kept me from all sorts of harm insofar as comics are concerned. Goats mentioned anywhere elicits a hearty "GOAT!" from me, which is fine for the Curmudgeon site, but tends to startle the hell out of my real life children.

[True Fable]

Little Known Mark Trail Facts

Mark Trail is a naturalist/ nature magazine writer who bums off his father-in-law with the wife and Rusty in Doc’s house in Lost Forest. Oh sure, the official bio doesn’t say that, but it’s true. Mark wouldn’t be able to afford a mortgage or rent, not if he’s turning in stories titled “Feeling a Titmouse!” and “Raccoon Log Chains: The Latest Craze!” and that wildly popular column, “Lost Forest Forum.” (”I never thought I’d be writing this, but…”) Beneath that salubrious veneer beats the heart of a wild animal like those he documents. He wields a mean right cross, a devastating left hook, and a powerful ability to embolden the odd word. He also never met a contraction he liked.

Cherry Trail has no known place of employment outside the Honeycomb Hideout, but does harbor a thinly veiled hostility toward the single, successful career women who show up to throw themselves at Mark’s feet (which provides fodder for the aforementioned Lost Forest Forum.)

Doc is retired but he is secretly known as the Godfather of the Hills, and has the letters DFWM (Don’t Fuck With Me) emblazoned across his chest not with a tattoo, but with a woodburning kit. The man’s old but he’s hardcore, dammit.

Rusty, oddly enough, is the only one with any gainful employment, renting himself out as a scarecrow in the nearby National Park to scare grizzly bears away from tourists. He also scores the occasional pic-a-nic basket. Rusty’s most lucrative gig is posing for Industrial Light & Magic’s Special Effects Department for when George Lucas wants a scary alien head. He also has an ongoing role at Dollywood as The Deliverance Guy.

And THAT, my friends, is the real dirt on the Mark Trail family.